July 03, 2015

Mail Bag

Bumper Cropped

Today's post brought more of the same I'm afraid and rather than keep answering the same queries over and over, I thought GSL's pro bono work would be best served with a wider audience.

Dear GSL,
I am a size 4 Six foot tall Nordic blond with legs through the roof. When it comes to gams, I of course know you are the renowned scholar in the field so always hang on your every word.  Apparently, mile long legs are soooo OVER so should I get corrective surgery to make them shorter? Also, the Daily Mail always runs pap pics of me with a reference to my 'pert derriere'. I am tired of the teasing so how can I make my caboose wider, flatter, and ride low?
Please advise,
~Leggy Blond

My Dear LB,
Apparently, you've been talking to my buddy Jill who I must sadly assume is back on the sauce. I always try to steer my galpals away from any sort of surgery...and counsel it only as a last resort with proper due diligence but before you do anything drastic, allow me to suggest some non-surgical alternatives. While your GSL absolutely loves long luscious gams, his first order of business is always to put a woman at her ease and if shorter legs will get you there then give these a go.

Exhibit A
A sure fire cure for those unfashionable mile long legs. Throw these on with flats to go from long and luscious
to short and squatty...



Exhibit B
To lose the 'pert derriere' (of the kind GSL could set a drink on), go for cropped pants with low waist. In an instant they take you from 'pert' to your desired "wide and flat" and your tush will look like it fell off the end of a table.



My much missed GSL,

I have a bit of clandestine field work to perform on The French Riv for MI6 so need to be invisible and pack light. On this trip, I can't be having the incessant wolf whistles and the throngs of gawking boys drawing attention as they usually do therefore I am leaving my Diana Rigg Catsuit and va-va-voomy white one piece swimsuit at home and going full frump but it's far too hot for my Kate Spade coat in the wrong shade of orange but will don something else boxy and beltless to tone down my scrumptious hourglass figure. Now what can I do re my fetching champagne flute ankles that always bring a hush to a crowded room. Thoughts?
BTW, Mum says Hi!

~Two-Timing Tabs of Tunbridge Wells

My Dear T3 of TW,

GSL is not one to gloat at your crawling back here with your tail between your legs so let's get to the matter at hand shall we? Need to lose those sexy champagne flute ankles? Easy-Peasy. What you need is a pair of my favorite penal colony's chief export. See below.

T3, go with Coral Uggs as you'll be taken for just another clueless fashion victim. These 'cankle cushions' not only will fatten up an ankle, they could suck the sexual energy out of a cocaine fueled Roman orgy.


Do say hi to Mum and The Den still thinks you both are The Bee's Knees!

11 comments:

  1. GSL, Here's the thing.. You are right about certain pants and shoes being less flattering, that said though I dress more to look modern. I am not overly concerned how long my legs look, etc. I guess I really dress to feel chic and hopefully with a bit of allure, but it's low on my list. Perhaps the French women would care more about this, but we American women tend to dress for ourselves I think! Have you not heard of the blog Man-repeller? ;) You do know that culottes are making a comeback and I plan to own some soon! xo Kim

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    Replies
    1. Kim,
      I saw only a couple days ago that culottes are indeed making a comeback before I had a chance to raise the drawbridge. I was debating whether to include them on today's post but I now see a follow up post is necessary before these become a blight on the landscape. We at The Den have always found those culottes a nice safe refuge for problem thighs but now that chic gals like you (who Den Intel reports you possess a very shapely pair of pins) are taking them into the fashion forward realm we may have to adjust fire.
      BTW: I actually saw a pair of culottes looking quite stylish on one of Jody Brettkelly's sisters not so long ago so if culottes really catch on, those two will have much to answer for!

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    2. Lol, Best get your guns ready...Those culottes will be here by fall! Enjoy the sundress season while you can!

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    3. I was out and about today Kim and pleased to see so many Maxis....btw The Maxi is the Den Approved problem thigh refuge.

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  2. oh i remember wearing culottes in the 70's and loved them. i can't see myself in them now but you never know...

    happy 4th to you mr.gsl x

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    Replies
    1. Janet, your wardrobe selections of late have been big hits so please don't press your luck with a very ill-advised culottes gambit

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  3. Great share! Even I have some awesome collection of Branded Bags Online online at Majorbrands.

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  4. I usually only wear two lengths: above the knee or down to the ankle. Anything in between does me no justice. And during the frigid months I cast a longing eye toward those appropriately named Uggs wishing I could stick my frozen tootsies in a pair but, alas, I am unable to wear them as I would tire of the fearful glances behind me searching for the Iceni hoard.
    The maxi dresses are not my favorite. I know you like them, but I usually find them to be 'germy' with the hem coming into contact with everything that exists in the first 4 inches off the ground.

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  5. Now please darling Bebe the Maxi is not for slopping the hogs at your bucolic Woodcock Pocket but consider them a charming flouncy bouncy easy breezy option at one of your Cape clambaked ...that GSL patiently awaits invite to.
    That Iceni hoard came in the Red Lion the other night in dressy evening pelts and things got ugly when the PETA Pub Crawl arrived for their round.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Now please darling Bebe the Maxi is not for slopping the hogs at your bucolic Woodcock Pocket but consider them a charming flouncy bouncy easy breezy option at one of your Cape clambaked ...that GSL patiently awaits invite to.
    That Iceni hoard came in the Red Lion the other night in dressy evening pelts and things got ugly when the PETA Pub Crawl arrived for their round.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Now please darling Bebe the Maxi is not for slopping the hogs at your bucolic Woodcock Pocket but consider them a charming flouncy bouncy easy breezy option at one of your Cape clambaked ...that GSL patiently awaits invite to.
    That Iceni hoard came in the Red Lion the other night in dressy evening pelts and things got ugly when the PETA Pub Crawl arrived for their round.

    ReplyDelete